Ms. Advice

"I found out that my best friend has cheated on her boyfriend while intoxicated. My concern is that she feels little remorse for her actions. She told me that she doesn’t think her cheating was a big deal because she "was just drunk." I don’t know if I can ever feel the same way about her. If she doesn’t feel remorse about her actions and doesn’t want to be honest about her mistakes, is she the kind of person I can be best friends with? Am I overreacting?"

You’re not overreacting. Forget the cheating, lying and moral issues. Help her to focus on the underlying problem; she’s putting herself in dangerous and unhealthy situations and hurting the people closest to her. She doesn’t need to hear that sleeping with her boyfriend’s best friend is wrong -- she’s not an idiot. And you’re her friend who wants to help.

What would she do if you were her? Ask her. Try to avoid judging her and do your best to reach out and help her. Ifshe refuses your help, make it clear that you won’t lie or cover up for her. That’s not who you are and it’s not who you’ll become.

"I have been doing the "friends with benefits" thing with a guy. All of a sudden he will not answer the phone when I call. But when he calls, I am supposed to jump for him. I need to get it together because more and more I’ve been feeling cheap. Should I call it off or stay and try to take control of the situation?"

He really doesn’t have a reason to call you back unless he’s looking for more benefits. It’s just how this relationship has been set up. When he avoids you, assume he’s dating someone or reaping another woman’s benefits. In either case, he’ll call you when he wants to call you (usually at 3 a.m. when he’s looking for benefits).

Rather than beating yourself up and calling yourself names, call it a mistake. Stop it. End it. Don’t repeat it. Next time he calls, tell him that his benefits have run out. If he wants to know why, tell him it’s about respect and the lack of it given to you.

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